Bad timing

Bad timing usually means maybe we just need to meet further in life. when we’ve both experienced other things. When we we’re both better at knowing ourselves.

With you,

though,

I think timing fucked us the other way around.

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I keep wishing we would have met fifteen years ago.

Not because one of us is unavailable now, not because it can’t be us as of now.

But what would our lives have been if we had gone through all of the same things we did, together?

I want those seconds so badly. I want to be part of this collection of memories and I want you in mine. I want the conversations I had in my head to have been with you. I want you to have know my dog, i want you to have met all of those people I lost along the way, i want you to understand how i came to be, to see the many different lives i had to live to get to this one. i want to have been the first to hear your songs, i want to push through your pain with you when we would have been too young to process it instead, i want to be invited to the birthdays and weddings and chosen family dinners just because I’ve always been there, not because it means something.

I want us figuring out how we don’t fit with others and how we fit together, together.

I want to go through your life all over again with you.

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